Down with the Witchfinder General!

[S2E1] Tan heads back to the height of anti-witch prejudice and challenges Witchfinder General Matthew Hopkins to a battle of wits (and strength, obviously)

Author

Tanus Maximus
October 30, 2023

Season 2, Episode 1: Sorcery Slam (Hallowe’en special) [c.1400 CE] ft. special guest Tom GK

PastMaster is back for season 2 and for this Halloween special Tan takes on the Witchfinder General himself in a bid to end the persecution of witches. Starring special guest comedian and writer Tom GK as the voice of Game Master.

Tan finds himself in the spooky surrounds of Suffolk town of Bury St Edmunds during the English Civil War it isn’t long before Witchfinder Matthew Hopkins and Tan are locked in a battle of words to decide whether witches really exist and to test whether Tan is himself a practitioner of the dark arts. But predictably things quickly take a turn for the worse and become physical.

Will Tan be burned at the stake for being a witch? Can he convince the pitchfork wielding locals to turn on the Witchfinder General, and will science overcome magic and superstition? Listen to find out.

The plight of witches

These horrific ‘witch-testing’ methods were used during witch persecution in England:

  1. Floating Test (Water Ordeal)

  • Tied up and thrown into water

  • Sinking meant innocence; floating meant witchcraft

  • Completely illogical "logic" that guaranteed death either way

  1. Witch's Mark Examination

  • Searching body for unusual birthmarks, moles, or skin tags

  • Considered "proof" of devil's connection

  • Any unique skin feature could condemn someone

  1. Touch Test during Fits/Seizures

  • If a suspected witch touched someone having a seizure and it stopped, they were guilty

  • Particularly used in cases involving alleged magical possession

  1. Needle Pricking Test

  • Searching for "insensitive" spots on skin that didn't bleed or feel pain

  • Supposed "devil's mark" proving supernatural connection

  • Involved painfully stabbing suspected witches

  1. Spectral Evidence

  • Testimony that the accused's spirit/apparition caused harm

  • No physical evidence required

  • Allowed pure imagination to condemn people

These methods were obviously deeply cruel, misogynistic pseudoscientific practices driven by fear and ignorance.

A cold and unflinching stare

Tom GK as The Witchfinder General

Listen to the Episode: